The Cancer Call
The Cancer Call
I remember the call from my doctor within an hour of having my ultrasound. I knew immediately from the tone in her voice that she would be sharing news that was not positive. She told me while she could not say for sure that it was the “C” word until a biopsy was completed, this is what it was looking like. I was advised she was writing me off work and making urgent referrals for MRI, biopsy, breast cancer surgeon, and the Cancer Clinic. My head was swirling for days with intense feelings of shock, anger, fear, denial, guilt, stress, loneliness, and sadness. I knew what was occurring, but it did not register that it was truly happening to me.
My immediate thoughts were about my family. I felt extreme guilt for being diagnosed at the same time my father-in-law died. I dreaded the thought of causing more agony for my husband, children, and family. Once I had confirmation of the cancer diagnosis, I at least knew what I would be dealing with (sort of). Even having some news propelled me to get a grasp of what was to come. Everyone was telling me to take care of myself while I was hyper focused on worrying about my family. It finally registered that I needed to take a step back and take care of my own mental health. I felt stuck in a cycle of chaos and needed to find a path forward.
A tiny piece of motivation came over me to gain perspective and consider other ways to approach this, including changing my mindset. There was comfort in the knowledge I was not the only person with this diagnosis. I even had friends who persevered through cancer treatments. I had lists of questions to take to medical appointments and felt more at ease as I gathered information from my marvellous medical team. I leaned into the reality of what was happening. There is no one-fits-all guidebook, but there are a few areas to focus on.
- Find a support system. Connection is key when cultivating a support system. Lean into the support of friends, family, and medical professionals. Do not hesitate to connect with people for emotional and practical support. This can include having people you can be “real” with, have folks help with caring for children, driving kids to activities, and accepting meals from community members. Relying on others for assistance can also give you a much-needed boost of dopamine, serotonin and endorphins.
It is normal to feel isolation when you experience something that other people have not endured. Connect with a support group of folks with a similar diagnosis. This will help reduce your sense of isolation, ask all the questions, and gather tips that others have found helpful. Online communities can easily be found once you begin searching for them.
- Seek professional support. This can include meeting with a therapist and your health care prover. It is common to feel overwhelmed by the “big picture’. Talking with someone will help you process and understand your own emotions.
- Embrace relaxation techniques – to reduce stress and promote sleep. Deep breathing, guided imagery, and guided meditation can significantly slow your heart rate and promote a sense of calm. Relaxation exercises can be used anywhere. You can even download some to your phone to have on hand.
- Practice self-compassion – Hold yourself in kind as you learn to accept the diagnosis. It is not helpful to be critical of ourselves when we are already experiencing emotional pain. Self-compassion can help reduce stress and build resilience during your cancer journey.
- Journal – Help organize your thoughts on paper. A portion of the journal can also be used to record something you are grateful for. A new appreciation for the simplicities of life can spring out of the scary emotions. Set micro goals and priorities. Use a journal to track sleep, exercise, mood, nutrition, appointments, and questions for your health care provider.
Written by: Jenny Lyons-Mouyios, Social Worker with Wildflowers
