Friendship Matters

Friendship Matters

One thing that has been on my mind a bit lately is friendship. Life can be busy and full and yet despite being surrounded by people and involved in activities, loneliness can really creep in. There are likely many reasons for this. Superficial interactions can feel like they are on the rise and meaningful connections may feel hard to find.

I recently read that a good rule of thumb is that you should have at least one true friend (outside your significant other) and that more than 10 deep connections is difficult to maintain. It is not having a lot of friends that we benefit from, it’s having true friends that is the real measure of health – meaningful, genuine, safe, authentic friendships. It kind of struck me, the reminder that it really has nothing to do with the number of friends a person has, it is the quality and depth of those friendships that counts. It’s important to recognize that the number of friendships that a person benefits from maintaining differs from person to person. For many, 10 close meaningful friendships can sound like a lot. The key is finding that sweet spot – is it 2-3 close, safe, invested friends that feel important, helpful and manageable ? Is it 6 or 7? Whatever the number, stop comparing it to what someone else has. Find your people and work at those friendships.

Maybe it’s time to take a closer look at your circle – is there a relationship that would benefit from you putting more energy and investment into, are there some connections that you would benefit from putting some space between or setting up some boundaries around? Keeping up with everyone is not only not realistic, it really isn’t necessary.

There are both mental and physical benefits to friendship including improved self esteem, reduced stress, connection and support. In fact, according to the article The science of why friendships keep us healthy: “Psychological research from around the world shows that having social connections is one of the most reliable predictors of a long, healthy, and satisfying life.”

I think that there is a lot that could be said about friendship, but I will close with one final thought- when reflecting on your friendships recognize the benefit of having friends where there is absolutely nothing in it for either of you other than friendship – no career benefit, no financial or status benefit. These are the friendships that allow space for us to be our truest selves, no obligations, no hold backs, a space to be honest, vulnerable and true with no strings attached.

Let this serve as a gentle reminder that the number of friends is far from the important part – finding one or two genuine, meaningful friendships matters and when you find them, be brave enough to be your wonderful, unique self because real friendships are formed when people are able to be their true selves.

The next time you find yourself reaching out and investing in friendship, smile and remind yourself that in the process you are improving not only your physical and emotional health, but theirs as well.

References:

Brooks, A. C. (2023). Build the life you want: The art and science of getting happier. Random House.

American Psychological Association. (2023, June). Science of friendship. Monitor on Psychology. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2023/06/cover-story-science-friendship

 

Written by: Janelle Janzen, Social Worker with Wildflowers