Size of the Problem

Size of the Problem

I think that one of the parts of social thinking that everyone can relate to is deciding how big a problem really is.  There is no doubt that determining the size of the problem can be frustrating as there is often a misalignment between how big a problem feels and how big others think that it should be.  I don’t think that ever in history has someone saying “calm down, it’s a little problem” ever resulted in the person simply calming immediately.  There are often steps that have to be taken to move a problem from feeling big, to feeling manageable and then feeling small.  As in so many things, we just want the movement to be fluid and immediate, but steps take time and require process.

No one thinks well when the oxygen levels in the brains are not conducive to rational thought.  This is where deep breaths are generally useful.  If we are not able to think calmly, coming up with potential solutions is exceedingly challenging.  Once I can think again, I try to break things down by first actually identifying the problem.  This step sounds easy and straightforward, but it’s often like “project creep.”  Problems often need to be broken down so they can be approached effectively.  Breaking down the problem often also helps with communication of the actual issues.  I don’t tend to find it helpful if I am focusing my energy on one part/piece and others are focusing on another part, but we are thinking that we are focusing on the same issue.  Lack of communication generally increases frustrations and makes problems feel bigger and this is the opposite direction from where we want the problem to go.

In my mind I tend to imagine a flow chart diagram.  Some people might decide to actually create a visual flow chart.

In conversations prior to the issue arising, discussing possible responses to problems, based on their size, is important.  The general goal is to try to keep responses to problems the size of or smaller than the size of the problem itself.  Having lists of possible options for each problem size helps with matching the response to the problem.  Generally, people get confused and do not know what to do when the response presents larger than the problem itself.  Having the lists of options ready for later, once the size of the problem has been sorted, is important.

Once the problem, or components of the problem are identified, the next questions becomes, which parts are within my realm of control and which are not.  For the ones not in my realm of control, the next step is to decide whose realm they are in and whether or not I have any influence.  If I do not, then there is nothing that I can do with that piece, if I do, then how to I exert influence?

The parts that are actually within my control are the pieces I can put the most energy into.  Is the identified problem something that I can fix myself?  Is it something that I can fix/address with a friend?  If so, then the problem is small.  If I can address the issue or, with the help of someone of the same ability level as I have (friend), we can manage it, then the problem is small.

A medium problem is one that I can’t address myself or with one friend.  A medium problem must be escalated a level of expertise or wisdom (a parent, teacher, crafts person, doctor, dentist etc), or requires several people to address.  This means that although I am part of the solution, I need more help.

Large problems tend to be ones that I cannot address even with help/assistance.  These are generally issues that involve something or someone irreplaceable, i.e. the death of a loved one, the destruction of something so the point if irreparable.  “Repairable” or useable does not mean to the level it was or to perfection, but to the level of functionality.  This definition is often a sticking point as those of us who struggle with change want things exactly the same, so the ground work regarding “good enough” needs to be dealt with outside of the crisis.

Using this flowchart, most problems are small, but there are medium sized and large problems that do occur. Having the focus being on thoughts instead of feelings generally works for helping to determine who, if anyone, can address the issue.  If I have the power to address the issue, either independently, or with assistance, by definition, the problem is not big.  I can then try to tailor my response to the size of the problem.  When this occurs, people around me are more likely to effectively help me manage.

Clearly, this is not a fool proof system, but it does provide a framework for better managing those big feelings that often follow a problem.

Blog Post Written by:  Tara Garratt, Psychologist with Wildflowers