Journeying Through Grief

Journeying Through Grief

Grief is the experience of coping with loss. Most of us think of grief as happening in the painful period following the death of a loved one. But grief can accompany any event that disrupts or challenges our sense of normalcy or ourselves. This includes the loss of connections that define us.

You may grieve the loss of:

• A friend, family member (including perinatal loss), partner or pet.
• A marriage, friendship or another form of kinship.
• Your home, neighbourhood, or community.
• Your job or career.
• A dream or goal.
• Good health.
• Your youth.

Grieving is about imagining a future that is different because of this loss. For the purposes of this blog, I would like focus on the death of a loved one.

Grief doesn’t just occur after a loved one is gone. In the case of a terminal diagnosis, it often begins before their death.

There can be guilt and confusion around not wanting them to die but also not wanting to see them suffer.

Whether you are dealing with the impending loss, or your loved one has died,

strong feelings such as shock, anger, sadness, guilt, relief, and despair are all normal.

It’s also normal to find oneself thinking a lot about the person who is no longer in your life, (or who will be gone) reflecting on your relationship with them, and worrying what life will be like without their presence.

Again, it’s about imagining and worrying about life without that person, and the loss of hopes and dreams. A future that is different.

Physical responses like upset stomach, muscle tension, crying, changes in sleep and eating patterns, exhaustion and difficulty concentrating are all normal.

The first year after that person has died, those special days, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays will be a reminder that person is no longer with you and will often trigger/intensify the grief response again.

People seek out counselling to have a safe space to talk about their grief.

They are looking to understand if their grief is “normal”, to find a way to process their feelings and learn to live a life without their loved one.

Remember:

~Practicing self- compassion and acceptance is important! It’s ok to feel the way you feel, to be confused, angry, relieved, sad or whatever you might be feeling.

~Practice self- care focussing on heathy eating, sleep practices and activity.

~ There is no shelf life on grief – the intensity of grief will diminish over time but remember that it comes in waves and can be triggered by events, special observances or anniversaries.

~Rituals of remembrance are important in whatever way makes sense to you.

It can be cooking your loved one’s favourite food at a family gathering, creating memory books with pictures, doing that person’s favourite family activity, or spending time at their favourite place.

~Find meaning – what did the deceased mean to you? What did you learn about your life and yourself in this relationship, and with the loss?

~Don’t go through it alone. Share your feelings with others who are supportive or find a therapist who can provide a safe space for you to talk about and process your journey.

Recommended reading:

It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok – Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand

Author – Megan Devine

Written by: Lorna Brothen, Social Worker with Wildflowers